I Received Roses Today

Dedicated to all battered women

I received yellow roses today

It was not our anniversary nor any other special day

We argued and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me

I want to believe that he is sorry and did not mean to say all the things that he did because ...
I received yellow roses today  

I received pink roses today

It was not my birthday nor any other special day

Throughout the night the fights persisted. I was thrown into a wall and choked until I almost lost me breath

It seemed like a horrible dream only to wake up and find that it was real

I received red roses today

It was not Valentine’s Day nor any other special day

My makeup and long sleeves did not hide the many bruises all over my body this time

I chose to stay home because my coworkers would stare and ask "Are you ok?" "How can I help?"

I saved myself from the humiliation
I know he's sorry because he sent me red roses today

I received purple and coral roses today

It was not Mother’s Day nor any other special day

Last night I had to endure another beating and it was much worse than before

Hmmm, If I leave him now, "How will I manage and make it?   

I’m actually afraid of him, but too scared and dependent to leave

He must be sorry because he sent me purple and coral roses today

I received a very unique bouquet of mixed colored, long stem  roses today...I must be special!

Well, today was indeed a very special day - It was the day of my "homegoing" 

I finally lost the battle and was beaten to death

If only I would have gathered the courage to leave

I would have been able to smell and hold my roses once again

I could have received help but I did not ask

So for the very last time....I received my flowers today

.

Please tell someone and get help today!  Your life depends on it.

What's Love Got To Do With It!!!

Introduction  

Hmmmm, I asked myself the question: "What's LOVE Have to Do With It" and realized it has all of the key elements to sustain my being.  If I don't do it, who will.  Like a car needs gas to move, or people need food/nourishment to grow, LOVE is needed to feel good about yourself and build this supreme level of confidence that no one can ever take away.   

It's quite interesting how we (women) are considered good nurturers and give incomparable love to others to include but limited to:  our children, mates, family members, pets and friends BUT the one important person we neglect is OURSELF!!! How does this happen?!? I believe its a natural reaction but then something comes over us...an unusual feeling...one that is rather exhausting and sometimes depressing.  We say, "Dag, I am loving everyone else but who is loving ME".  Well, that's how I felt and realized I had to do something about it.  As a result, I completed a true self evaluation and self therapy to understand what was happening and to take a stand to LOVING ME better.  

I want to share some of these great tips with you to help.  Trust me, by doing them, OMG, you will feel alot better and learn to LOVE YOU first.  Remember, it is key  before you can truly LOVE anyone else.  

Here are 24 Ways to LOVE Yourself...

1) Treat Others With Love & Respect

When you bring joy to the lives of others, you find joy in your own.  Those that you treat 

well will likely repay you with the same kindness. Gradually you will start to feel your

worth through acts of gratitude. God rewards genuine people therefore, don't be very kind to people only to receive royal treatment. It does not work that way. 

2) Share Your Being with Others 

Create goodwill and thankfulness by practicing random deeds of kindness.  You can mentor, share your knowledge in nice ways or make a small donation to someone in need (near or far)

3) Express Yourself

Share your thoughts, ideals or time 

4) Learn to Let Go of the Past

You deserve a fresh start! There are many people that have had hard lives/bad beginnings or moments. Don't close yourself out of challenges, grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Be in tuned to your feelings, but strive to put them behind you. Cherish learned lessons and how you have changed or grown from them.

5) Forgive Yourself

Don't punish yourself for things you have done in the past. Instead, look at them as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don't ever demean or ridicule yourself, or if you do then laugh realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning!

6) Post Positive Statements Where You Will See Them Each and Every Day

"I am wonderfully and beautifully made." or "I have the courage to love." Read them aloud every day. Post it notes are great for such affirmations and goals.

7) Sit In Front of the Mirror

Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then practicing calming replying to her, "I do 'not' care," with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it.

8) Try to Look Past "Material" Objects and Feelings

We all desire a nice house, nice things and someone to share our life with. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion or simply a motive? Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself.

9) Keep a Journal

Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can acknowledged and let go.

10) Be Persistent

Work as steadily as you can at loving and accepting yourself just as you are right now. A large part of love is accepting another "as is". This is no different for yourself—learn to love yourself "as is". Only after we've accepted themselves we might think about changing some less-than desirable characteristics.

11) Start Working Towards How and What You Want to Be or Do

Do so with a positive attitude by working toward your higher purposes and greater appreciation of your problems as motivating your finding new and better opportunities. Be enthusiastic and cheerful (appropriately)

12) Don't Define Yourself By What You Have Done or Do

Celebrate your accomplishments but let go of the things you haven't...yet? Remember that success is not a destination. Success is making progress (toward the desires of your heart). Accept yourself, and others will follow your lead. You are not your deeds, appearance, or bank balance.

13) Hug Yourself

Show yourself love through a hug by hugging the real you

14) Be Yourself  

Be who you really are, express yourself, laugh, play, sing. Don't be afraid of what others think, they feel the same way and want to express themselves, but are afraid to show it too.

15) Trust Yourself 

Don't just blindly follow other peoples suggestions. Learn to trust who you really are.

16) Think of Five (5) Positive Words That Best Describe You

Try not to use words like *pretty* and *nice*. Try variety.

17) Think About What You Really Want Someone To Be Like In a Relationship

Do those characteristics also apply to you? 

18) Practice Receiving Love  

To truly love is to be able to receive it. When someone loves 

you, does some kind deeds to you, say kind words, give you gifts, or give you compliments, embrace it. Allow yourself to feel the love that has come your way. Know that you are worthy of love. It is important to accept a gift of love by others. You give yourself a chance to learn more about yourself that you are lovable. You give someone a joy of giving by loving you. Another important way is to practice receiving love by saying “I love you” to yourself. Let that love fill your heart. Receive that love that you give to yourself unconditionally.

19) Practice Saying "NO"  

 It is o.k. to say “no” to people when you do not feel like doing something. Do not feel guilty about it. Just realize that you have the right to do so. This is different from doing things out of love. If you do things out of love and your heart wants to do them, that is a different story. When your heart does not want to do it and you feel like you have to please someone, and make others happy by over extending yourself. Learning how to say “no” is an art. It takes practice. You might say “Thank you for asking. I am not ready to commit to doing anything right now.” You cannot please everyone. When you say “no”, remember to smile sincerely and say “no” gracefully.

20) Do What You Love

What do you love to do? If you could find something that you love to do and spend time doing it, you will experience love, joy, and happiness in your heart. That is when you truly connect with your authentic self. As a result you become happier and more loving.

21) Treat Yourself Like Treating Your Very Best Friend  

How do you treat your very best friend? Do you treat him/her with love, kindness, trust, appreciation, acceptance, and respect? If you can give that to your friend, why don’t you give that to yourself? Practice treating yourself like you treat your very best friend by saying kind words to yourself. Stop calling yourself names. Stop beating yourself up. Give yourself compliments. Know your boundaries and listen deeply to your needs. Always be kind and gentle with yourself

22) Nurture Yourself

Self care is very important. Set up some time to be by yourself, just by yourself. Do something that gives you peace, love, and joy with yourself. You can nurture yourself physically by exercising and consuming healthy food. You can nurture yourself emotionally by listening to love songs, painting, or helping others in need. As you give yourself to others and offer help, you receive the gift of love back. You feel good about yourself because you live your life on purpose. You can nurture yourself mentally by reading your favorite books. You can nurture your spiritually by doing meditation.

23) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others 

Everyone on this earth is unique. We all have different gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envy or jealous. A way to stop comparing yourself to others is by focusing on your own strength. Get to know yourself and discover what is your greatest gift that you are meant to share with the world. Another great way is by practicing gratitude. Be happy for what you have. Really be grateful about everything that you have; people in your life, job, relationships, material, etc. Gratitude keeps your heart open to love. No one is quite like you. Just be you. Be grateful for being the wonderful you. Do the best you can. Be the best you can and love yourself more. Then, you have more love to give to others

24) Stop Trying to be Perfect 

Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect. Always do your best. But, not reaching perfection is not failure.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE TO LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED

Excuses...Excuses...Excuses...Just Do It!

Do you find that it is convenient to have an excuse for just about anything that you do or want to do?

Is it just a simple part of your vocabulary?

Do you find yourself saying, " I will get to it", "I will do it tomorrow"...Well what we should keep in mind is that TOMORROW is not promised.

This is a new year, new attitude, new goals set and accomplishments to celebrate. 

We cannot get to all of this with a surrounding of excuses.

Just as Nike's signature logo state, "JUST DO IT!"

Have a mindset to go after what you want each and everyday and make things happen. 

Don't wonder if, when and where...JUST DO IT!

Have a thought? Envision it in mind then come up with a realistic ACTION Plan

JUST DO IT!

Here is one for you...

I want to wear it...BUT

I want to try it...BUT

I want to do it...BUT

I want to buy it...BUT

I will one day...BUT

BUT, BUT, BUT..Is that all we know?

What is you were given the chance to do anything in the world?  

What would be the excuse then?

Hmmm, Oh, I didn't have enough time to think about it

Stop making excuses and act upon the desires of your heart for you would be a happier person right from the start.

JUST DO IT!  

Silent Tears No More-"Accepting the past and moving towards a brighter future"

Have you ever felt that something/someone is holding you back from moving forward?  Be it in the past or present.

Have you felt that no matter how hard you try that “thing” continues to tug and pull , telling you that you can’t do it, you can’t make it or you are not worthy of having it

Have you let it take so much control over your life that you have become a “different” person.  One that you know is not your character or plain and simple “that you are unhappy with”

This is "YOUR" bondage breaker moment...

You must break the bondage

You can break the bondage

You will break the bondage

You should break the bondage

BONDAGE is defined as:

REPRESSION

SUPPRESSION

OPPRESSION

Do you see what one thing these have in common…….the

suffix “PRESSION”

In lament terms it is considered the

stress, drama, havoc and chaos in your life that can lead to

D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N

WHAT ARE SILENT TEARS?

Silent tears are defined as a soft and solemn cry that no one hears but can be very visible. One that is felt throughout your entire body from the depth of your soul to the bottom of our toes.  You want to share but you are scared.  You look around for help but no one’s there. No one will understand. You want to resist the embarrassment and negative comments so you hold it all in. It sometimes takes full effect and controls your actions towards self and others around you. Through your heartfelt cries, you yearn to understand the infamous three letter conjunction “WHY” me?

Many things/reasons have caused women to cry…… “Silent Tears”

Family, Children, Friends, Relationships/Love, Death of a

Loved One, Life, Work, Environment/Community, Past,

Present and Future

Let’s take a closer look to see how

FAMILY

Have you experienced…

q  Parents who did not know how to show genuine compassion and care towards you.  You rarely or never received a hug or heard the words “I love you”

q  Family members that always critiqued/criticized everything you did as a child and/or adult

q  Being told that you would not amount to anything in life

q  Quality time was never a priority

q  Verbal, physical or sexual abuse that left you scared on the inside and out

q  A feeling that you are now a “replica” of your past experiences due to negativity

q  Separation/disconnect of siblings and/or other family members

q  Harsh words from your mother about your father who was never there to defend himself and vice versa

q  Witnessing your mother being abused by your father (the man you admired immensely)

q  Finding out the truth of being adopted and wondering the whereabouts of your biological parents and why they would leave you

q  The non-acceptance of your lifestyle

CHILDREN

Have you experienced…

q  Wanting a better life for your child than you had growing up but don’t know how to convey/initiate it

q  The lack of respect for you as the parent/guardian from your child

q  The witnessing of them wanting to grow up before their time while choosing not to follow your rules

q  The unexpected loss of a child

q  A child that has become a part of the societal plagues and have became  imprisoned, pregnant, into drugs/crime or members of a gangs

q  The non-caring attitude about their lives.  They live for the present moment only…not the future

q  Resentfulness towards you and your disciplinary actions

q  You strive to instill good morals and values yet they make unwise choices based on their peers and so called friends

q   After giving them your all, they are not appreciative for anything

q  Obtaining a good education is not on the top of their priority list therefore they find reasons not to go to school

FRIENDS

Have you experienced…

q  Jealousy (those that always compete and are never happy for you)

q  Betrayal (those who have had an affair with your boyfriend or significant)

q  Hurt (those that have been deceitful, talked about you to others and do not have your best interest in heart)

q  An argument that has demolished your authentic friendship

q  You always seem to be the one to mend the broken pieces when you both are well aware that the situation at hand was clearly no fault of yours but the blame is put on you and now you feel bad. 

q  The feeling of just wanting your true BFF back in your life

RELATIONSHIP/LOVE LIFE

Have you felt……?

q  He/She does not love me

q  He/She is being deceitful

q  Why is he/she treating me this way

q  I love him/her more than anything in this world

q  I have to deal with the other woman in his/her life

q  I am a good woman you know; at least that’s what I think

q  I am in the mirror now looking at ways to make him/her happy so that they will stay/or come back to me

q  I have to prove to them that I am worthy

q  I have no other choice but to stay and deal with the stress 

q  He/She is abusive but that’s just when they’ve had too much…he/she loves me though

q  No one really understands what I am going through

DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

Have you ever asked yourself or stated…

q  Why

q  It should’ve been me

q  I will never see him/her again

q  What am I going to do

q  They never said good-bye

  

WORK/PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT

Have you felt or been told…

q  That’s not what I asked you to do

q  You do not follow directions

q  You are on my clock and will do what I ask, when I ask (belittled)

q  Anyone knows how to do that…why don’t you

q  What are you good for

q  You’re fired for offering suggestions to enhance the business

COMMUNITY/ENVIRONMENT

Have you ever thought to yourself…?

q  I have to stay here because I can’t afford to live anywhere else

q   The area is unsafe so much that I am afraid to go outside

q  They do not keep the place nice and clean

q   There’s too much chaos and crime

q  Is there anything at all that I can do to change it

THE PAST

You’ve been…

q  Lied on

q  Cheated

q  Talked About

q  Mistreated

q  Battered/Physically Abused

q  Molested

q  Neglected

q  Used

q  Scorned

q  Up

q  Down

q  Hurt

q  Angry

q  Emotionally Sick

THE PRESENT

Have or are you …

q  Dealing with the wrath of the recession

q  You’ve lost your job

q  Clothes and food are scarce

q  Employment search seems never ending

q  Bills are piling up

q  Bill Collectors are calling

q  You are struggling day to day

q  You receive little/no assistance from your child(ren’s) father

q  You have to be the miracle worker and fix everything

THE FUTURE

Have you felt or questioned …

q  Do I deserve it

q  I am not smart enough

q  I am not good enough

q  They will feel sorry for me and just give it to me

q  They told me that I can’t, so I feel that I can’t

HOW DO I GET THROUGH THIS

What is the key to breaking the bondages to experience a better life?

q  P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens

q  Identify the things which has affected you and caused your “Silent Tears”

q  Take your “life” back into your hands

q  Choose to “live” for self

q  Choose to be “happy” for self

q  Accept the past and search for ways to make a comeback…become a better you

Ø  Look for local support groups

Ø  Read self help book

Ø  Talk to someone you are able to trust and can count on

Ø  Partake in fun activities or hobbies

Ø  Make a successful plan for your life

WOMEN RESOURCES

q  Girlfriends Pray – A powerful and diverse group of women that pray every morning @ 7am and in the evening @ 10pm.  Call into (712) 432-0075 Enter Access Code 128845#

q  National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)

q  Substance Abuse Hotline 888-235-8965 (24 hour)

q  Clothing Closet (301) 281-1625 (Free)

q  Prince Georges County Public Library (access self help books)

A WORD OF ADVICE

Remember, that collectively we are able to rise above opposition, take control of our lives, strive to achieve all that you are

God allows us to go through test to learn to trust him have faith and when he sees us through to have the ability to create that UNITY puzzle by helping your sister the same way he helped you. With love, patience and encouragement.  

Don’t let your purpose in life become lost/resilient within you. 

q  I thought I could have saved her/him